Phrase by 'Mitch Hedberg'

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I would imagine that if you could understand Morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.

Author: Mitch Hedberg - American Comedian
  You , Crazy , Understand , Drive


You know when they have a fishing show on TV? They catch the fish and then let it go. They don't want to eat the fish, they just want to make it late for something.

Author: Mitch Hedberg - American Comedian
  You , Know , Fish , Fishing


I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.

Author: Mitch Hedberg - American Comedian
  Like , Sitting , Play , Gambling


I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.

Author: Mitch Hedberg - American Comedian
  Morning , Night , Last , Last Night


Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.

Author: Mitch Hedberg - American Comedian


My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said 'No, but I want a regular banana later, so... yeah.'

Author: Mitch Hedberg - American Comedian
  Me , Want , Said , Friend


It's very dangerous to wave to people you don't know because what if they don't have hands? They'll think you're cocky.

Author: Mitch Hedberg - American Comedian
  You , People , Think , Hands


Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of my head ain't funny!

Author: Mitch Hedberg - American Comedian
  Wrong , Amazing , Funny , Cloud


Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down.

Author: Mitch Hedberg - American Comedian
  You , Day , Down , Trying


Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus, or just a really cool Opotamus?

Author: Mitch Hedberg - American Comedian


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