Phrase by 'Rodney Dangerfield'

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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

Author: Rodney Dangerfield - American Comedian
  You , Me , Crazy , Ugly


My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light.

Author: Rodney Dangerfield - American Comedian
  Me , Light , Wife , Dark


I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

Author: Rodney Dangerfield - American Comedian
  Me , Truth , Wife , She


Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'

Author: Rodney Dangerfield - American Comedian
  Me , Know , God , Ugly


I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.

Author: Rodney Dangerfield - American Comedian
  Respect , Way , Luck , Politician


I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette.

Author: Rodney Dangerfield - American Comedian
  Me , He , Surgeon , Cigarette


I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

Author: Rodney Dangerfield - American Comedian
  Time , Father , Remember , Said


The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.

Author: Rodney Dangerfield - American Comedian


My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.

Author: Rodney Dangerfield - American Comedian
  Me , Day , Eye , Wife


What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.

Author: Rodney Dangerfield - American Comedian
  Favorite , Dog , Pet , Bone


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