Phrase by 'Rita Rudner'
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I had the worst birthday party ever when I was a child because my parents hired a pony to give rides. And these ponies are never in good health. But this one dropped dead. It just wasn't much fun after that. One kid would sit on him and the rest of us would drag him around.
Author: Rita Rudner - American ComedianGood , Health , Birthday , Good Health
I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.
Author: Rita Rudner - American ComedianWhen I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.
Author: Rita Rudner - American ComedianAlways , Name , Right , Funny
My mother buried three husbands - and two of them were only napping.
Author: Rita Rudner - American ComedianThree , Two , Only , Mother
They usually have two tellers in my local bank, except when it's very busy, when they have one.
Author: Rita Rudner - American ComedianTwo , Busy , Very , Bank
Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.
Author: Rita Rudner - American ComedianLive , Build , Air , Mother
I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
Author: Rita Rudner - American ComedianMen , Marriage , Pain , Jewelry
I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.
Author: Rita Rudner - American ComedianMe , Children , Good , Parenting
My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.
Author: Rita Rudner - American ComedianMe , Day , Age , Husband
We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet.
Author: Rita Rudner - American ComedianYou , Long , Dog , Pet