Phrase by 'Paula Poundstone'

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The problem with cats is that they get the exact same look on their face whether they see a moth or an axe-murderer.

Author: Paula Poundstone - American Comedian
  Look , Face , Problem , Cats


Adults are always asking kids what they want to be when they grow up because they are looking for ideas.

Author: Paula Poundstone - American Comedian
  Ideas , Always , Looking , Grow


President Obama could keep a big map with push pins on it to keep track of how many countries hate us, and when we get down to only half, let's have a ball. I'll blow up the balloons myself.

Author: Paula Poundstone - American Comedian
  Myself , Push , Down , Hate


I don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name.

Author: Paula Poundstone - American Comedian


When we save the rain forest, the polar bear, and Al Gore, we should party so hard that Canada calls the cops on us for noise.

Author: Paula Poundstone - American Comedian
  Forest , Party , Hard , Rain


The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling.

Author: Paula Poundstone - American Comedian
  Time , Feeling , Death , Tired


I can make things, but I don't cook them, exactly. Like salmon, I can stick that in a pan. Or the other day I made noodles, but they were hard. It never occurred to me to check them; I just stopped cooking them when I felt they were ready. Really, I'm too absentminded.

Author: Paula Poundstone - American Comedian
  Me , Never , Day , Cooking


My act is sort of improvisational. I have a skeleton in my head, but no fat or skin on it.

Author: Paula Poundstone - American Comedian
  Act , Skin , Fat , Head


When we live up to our Constitution, let's form a Conga line around the Capitol and bungee jump off the dome.

Author: Paula Poundstone - American Comedian
  Live , Line , Jump , Constitution


I'm thankful for the three ounce Ziploc bag, so that I have somewhere to put my savings.

Author: Paula Poundstone - American Comedian
  Three , Funny , Thankful , Bag


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