Phrase by 'Les Dawson'

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I took my mother-in-law to Madame Tussaud's Chamber of Horrors, and one of the attendants said: 'Keep her moving sir; we're stock-taking.'

Author: Les Dawson - English Comedian
  Said , Moving , Her , Mother-In-Law


I know my name will always be linked with women.

Author: Les Dawson - English Comedian
  Know , Name , Will , Women


Marriage is an institution and that's where a couple finish up.

Author: Les Dawson - English Comedian
  Up , Where , Marriage , Finish


In awe, I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like an ambered chariot towards the ebony void of infinite space wherein the tethered belts of Jupiter and Mars hang, for ever festooned in their orbital majesty. And as I looked at all this I thought... I must put a roof on this toilet.

Author: Les Dawson - English Comedian
  Space , Thought , Ride , Moon


The mother-in-law came round last week. It was absolutely pouring down. So I opened the door and I saw her there and I said, 'Mother, don't just stand there in the rain. Go home.'

Author: Les Dawson - English Comedian
  Home , Down , Mother , Rain


I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.'

Author: Les Dawson - English Comedian
  You , Help , Men , Mother-In-Law


My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects.

Author: Les Dawson - English Comedian
  Time , Sex , Wife , She


I can always tell when the mother in law's coming to stay; the mice throw themselves on the traps.

Author: Les Dawson - English Comedian
  Always , I Can , Mother , Law


I discovered the wife's got asthma. Thank God - I thought she was hissing at me.

Author: Les Dawson - English Comedian
  Me , God , Wife , Thank God


My mother-in-law has come round to our house at Christmas seven years running. This year we're having a change. We're going to let her in.

Author: Les Dawson - English Comedian
  House , Change , Christmas , Mother-In-Law


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