Phrase by 'Jerry Seinfeld'
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You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'
Author: Jerry Seinfeld - American ComedianYou , Birthday , Cake , Candle
It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.
Author: Jerry Seinfeld - American ComedianDay , World , Amazing , Funny
We want to do a lot of stuff; we're not in great shape. We didn't get a good night's sleep. We're a little depressed. Coffee solves all these problems in one delightful little cup.
Author: Jerry Seinfeld - American ComedianGood , Sleep , Night , Coffee
A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.
Author: Jerry Seinfeld - American ComedianYou , Like , Top , Funny
You have to motivate yourself with challenges. That's how you know you're still alive.
Author: Jerry Seinfeld - American ComedianYou , Yourself , Know , Challenges
Marriage is like a game of chess except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.
Author: Jerry Seinfeld - American ComedianYou , Game , Marriage , Water
Pay attention, don't let life go by you. Fall in love with the back of your cereal box.
Author: Jerry Seinfeld - American ComedianLife , Love , You , Fall
Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.
Author: Jerry Seinfeld - American ComedianCare , Only , Men , TV
Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.
Author: Jerry Seinfeld - American ComedianYou , Think , Body , Problem
Being a good husband is like being a good stand-up comic - you need ten years before you can even call yourself a beginner.
Author: Jerry Seinfeld - American ComedianYou , Yourself , Good , Husband