Phrase by 'George Carlin'
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When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat.
Author: George Carlin - American ComedianYou , America , Born , Show
The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
Author: George Carlin - American ComedianMyself , Talk , Reason , Accept
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
Author: George Carlin - American ComedianYou , Going , Driving , Idiot
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
Author: George Carlin - American ComedianMe , Purpose , She , Defeat
There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.
Author: George Carlin - American ComedianMost people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
Author: George Carlin - American ComedianPeople , Work , Money , Enough
The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.
Author: George Carlin - American ComedianYou , People , Time , Fire
Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.
Author: George Carlin - American ComedianKnow , About , Only , Going
The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.
Author: George Carlin - American ComedianIf it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
Author: George Carlin - American ComedianSay , True , Alone , Universe
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