Phrase by 'Alan King'

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Museums are good things, places to look and absorb and learn.

Author: Alan King - American Comedian
  Look , Good , Things , Good Things


A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let's eat!

Author: Alan King - American Comedian
  Eat , Us , Holiday , Tried


My mother's sister was killed in a trolley car accident, so I was raised as one of eight with my sister and six male cousins.

Author: Alan King - American Comedian
  Car , Mother , Sister , Cousins


When I was a kid, I used to send away for those ventriloquist kits on the back of comic books.

Author: Alan King - American Comedian
  Back , Away , Kid , Used


When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn't like it. I had to get even. One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, 'It's a little cloudy.' I took the tube from her and said, 'Let me run it through again,' and drank it. The nurse fainted.

Author: Alan King - American Comedian
  Me , Morning , Apple , Hospital


You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.

Author: Alan King - American Comedian
  You , Live , Last , Toilet


Did you hear the one about the elderly Jew on his deathbed who sent for a priest, after declaring to his astonished relatives that 'I want to convert.' Asked why he would become a Catholic, after living all his life as a Jew, he answered: 'Better one of them should die than one of us.'

Author: Alan King - American Comedian
  Life , You , Better , Die


I don't mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special.

Author: Alan King - American Comedian
  Me , Mind , Nobody , Bird


My son says I never tell stories about anyone who's living.

Author: Alan King - American Comedian
  Never , Tell , Living , Son


I had a sympathetic role in 'thirtysomething,' and in two weeks I'm going to do the role again. But in the movies, I just love the heavies. It's much more fun. Villains are a ball. People have been laughing at me for 50 years, so I love to sit in the back of the theater and listen to them hate me.

Author: Alan King - American Comedian
  Love , Me , People , Hate


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